Free Pai Gow Poker

One day, a guy dies and finds himself in Hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with a demon:
Demon: Why so glum, chum?
Guy: What do you think? I’m in Hell.
Demon: Hell’s not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin’ man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.
Demon: Well, you’re gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that’s all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab… we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more.
Guy: Gee, that sounds great.
Demon: You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it.
Demon: All right! You’re gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our friggin’ lungs out. If you get cancer, it’s okay… you’re already dead.
Guy: Golly!
Demon: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.
Demon: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it. We even opened up a pai gow poker table.
Guy: Gosh, I never played pai gow before…
Demon: Well now you can. You like to do drugs?
Guy: Yes, I love to do drugs. You don’t mean…
Demon: That’s right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it’s okay… you’re already dead.
Guy: Neat! I never realized that hell was such a swingin’ place!
Demon: You gay?
Guy: Uh, no.
Demon: Oooh, you’re gonna hate Fridays

A man dies and goes to Hell where he is greeted by the devil:
Devil: Hey, why are you bumming out?
Man: If you died and went to Hell, you”d be bumming out too.
Devil: Hell isn”t what you think it is. It’s fun down here. Say, do you drink?
Man: Sure, I love to drink. Why?
Devil: Well, you”re gonna love Mondays then. Because on Mondays, all we do here is drink. Hell, we have whiskey, tiquila, rum, vodka, all the booze you want to drink. We drink til we puke then we drink more.
Man: Ah, that sounds great.
Devil: Do you smoke?
Man: Damn right I do.
Devil: Cool! You”re gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world. Smoke all you want. You don”t have to worry about getting cancer because you”re already dead anyways.
Man: No ****!
Devil: You like gambling?
Man: Hell yeah!
Devil: Great! On Wednesdays, we have gambling night here in Hell. We have slot machines, roulette, craps, black jack, horse racing, you name it, we got it, and we just recently opened up a new pai gow poker table.
Man: Hmmmmmmmmmmm, I never played pai gow poker before.
Devil: Now you can. You like to get stoned?
Man: I love getting stoned! You mean…
Devil: That’’s right man, because on Thursdays, it’’s stoner night here in Hell! Help yourself to a huge bowl of crack, smoke a joint the size of a nuclear sub, do all the drugs you want and you don”t have to worry about overdosing because you”re already dead anyhow.
Man: Awesome! I never thought Hell was one swinging place!
Devil: Are you gay?
Man: Uh, no.
Devil: Oooh, you”re gonna hate Fridays!